Superwoman? I am not!

Over an official dinner function last week, one of MY ONE's colleagues commented that I am a superwoman. Honestly don't know where that came from for I have never considered myself as one and have never aimed to be one. Still, I thank him for that compliment.

As a matter of fact, I am struggling all the time trying to balance all of my responsibilities, firstly as a wife, before a mother, a daughter and of course my professional duties as a lecturer and co-worker. Although my current half-time work arrangement has provided some respite and balance but just counting the number of roles makes me really exhausted and tired at times.

Honestly, only God knows of the many moments that I'd beat myself up for not fulfilling my roles well and the nights I'd spent fretting and at times crying to bed especially when it concerned the kids and I felt all so helpless as their mother.

Of course some would suggest, like MY ONE, that I quit my job and focus on my primary roles. "Why be so hard on yourself?", they would say. However, one can only love when there's self-worth. And for me, that comes my knowing that I still have professional value and financial independence. I have had enough of those childhood days when the next meal was no where in sight, much less other necessities in life.

I do see the spillover positive effects of my job on my kiddos, especially after I have to deal with students from both end of the spectrum. For the achievers, I'd be reflecting on their learning styles and how those can be inculcated in my kiddos. For the difficult ones, I'd be thinking how can I avoid my kiddos from going down that path. Very often, these are my conversational topics with them.

Superwoman I am not, though after witnessing how MY ONE had to handle work conflicts today, I'm beginning to think of him as a superman. Finally, the inequity between our pay scales is starting to make some sense. Wished I had been more understanding and less harsh on him this morning as he was putting out fire. Just being his "small woman", as opposed to "superwoman", is more than enough for me.

First Your Wife, Then Their Mother!

Seemingly simple but yet difficult in practice.

With a brood of five, it was "normal" for me to slip into the "I am first a mother" role, fretting over their diet, schedules, school work, health, social well-being, etc. Unkowingly, it became common for me to behave like your "housemate" or "kidsmate", with conversations literally revolving only around the house and kids.

Fundamentally, we are poles apart and even our kids know that. They would run to you for English and Science and mummy for Maths and Chinese. They know they can have their way with you where play is concerned but to me they would run to when they need serious help with school work or just a listening ear or shoulder to cry on. You are the quick-tempered and out-spoken sort whereas I do not like conflicts head-on. As you have always said, you see the bigger picture and me the nitty gritty.

I am sorry for the many times I have taken you for granted, as you have rightfully pointed out over my "home-wear" and the unfair expectations placed on you. Importantly, the change in perspective that we are first each other's wife and husband before our stewardship responsibilities did work out. I could sense the positive energies around the kids and family as a whole.

Looking forward to more dinner chats where you would offer your Step 1 to 10 guide and me my auntie's take. Oh yes, your poems of course, been a long while hor? As I look at your photo now, my heart still misses a beat.