I know the title sounds morbid and pessimistic but as the birth of Nat draws nearer, there's always this lingering fear of "What if I don't make it out of labour alive?". As it happened so very recently, a close friend of mine nearly did. Thank goodness, she managed to pull through ... ...
This will be a post of my most recent positive recollections of every family member, friends and colleagues who have touched me in more ways than one.
Let's begin with MY ONE: He has really been very supportive and sensitive this round (finally I think he got round to understand that pregnancy and labour should not be taken for granted after witnessing what his pal's wife went through?). Still, back to his sweet mannerisms: that included taking a day's leave almost every week during my few weeks of pregnancy to not only bring me for my gynea visits but for good meals, short shopping trips (when I could still walk), accommodating my every wimp and fancy of cravings, of course tantrums as well. And most recently during the last week, wheeling me in the wheelchair to church, Newton Circus for food, etc. And of course his most expensive gift so far, an iPad for me to surf on bed coz' I could hardly sit up, mostly on the bed these days. He had just commented that we hardly quarrel nowadays, in fact we honestly couldn't recall when was the last we did, just hope that this "honeymoon" phase will continue for a long time to come, the possibility of which rests heavily on my ability to slow down and bo chap after Nat arrives.
Next my mum: These few weeks at home have really deepened our understanding of each other and my appreciation of her. Feels really bad that some days she would still have to walk down to Hawker Centre to buy me lunch at her age. But we really did enjoy our little eating and grocery shopping trips some weeks back when I could still walk (not for long) and drive, albeit slowly. It's strange (and equally frustrating to be taken care of) that she has become my caretaker, reporting my every movement to MY ONE when he calls. Of course there were moments that we would clash head on as well, like when her family in Indonesia calls for money or to report more trouble or the incessant visits by or to her friends or relatives.
And then my first born Claire who has recently taken on the role of the assistant caretaker of mummy, fetching things, food, drinks and buying food for me as well. She'll never fail to be my walking stick at home or when we are out. She did pretty well for her exams recently (save for Science but you see I'm never good at Science and MY ONE was too busy to coach her too!), was elected to the Prefectorial Exco next year and took it upon herself to prepare Nigel and Chloe's books and stationery for next year, of course the packing too. Not to mention sacrificed her afternoons to attend story telling training just so as to take Chloe's class next year for story telling during orientation time. And oh yes, she woke up early during the weekends to prepare breakfast for the family, although not very yummy, we supported her wholeheartedly!
Then comes Nigel who is still very obsessed with sports (specifically soccer) and computer games. Boys being boys, they'll never be as sensitive as girls. So Nigel's little acts of love should never be taken for granted, e.g. little notes of encouragement, offering to be my walking stick, helping to entertain Noah, etc. He did rather well for school but is very afraid that I'll be attending his Parent-Teacher-Meet rather than MY ONE for I'm sure his teachers will have lots to fill me in about his antics. Noticed recently that he's becoming more of a vegetarian, had a word with him and he's trying now to eat more meat.
Chloe will be next, she's really undergone huge transformation. As her graduation draws nearer(I am quite glad that I'll not be able to attend to save myself some embarrassment from being a spectacle, you know I can't control my emotions that well), I can't help but reflect on how far my girl has come along. Looking at her pictures and videos some 3 years back when we discovered her developmental delays till where she is now, I can only say that it was a test of faith and God was guiding us all these while to be the best stewards we could be for Chloe. To a certain extent, her transformation is unbelievable, from one who couldn't utter a single word, don't know how to play and socialize to one who is the speller in class with friends aplenty, of course a girl who has a mind of her own, most times a questioning one, and could "educate" us on the latest science facts she has read up on (e.g. a healthy adult will fart 13 times a day)... ...I couldn't ask for more. I can only pray that God will continue his guidance that we can nurture her to the best of her potential! Recently celebrated her 6th birthday and even though I could hardly walk, still made it to an international buffet in my wheelchair as she wanted to have one for her special day!
Now comes our little tyrant aka interactive toy Noah. He's 3.5 but can operate a laptop as well as Kor Kor Nigel. Not something to be proud of as parents but at least there's some bonding amongst the boys. He loves being read to and will always demand at least a bedtime story every night, loves playing with torchlight so much so that he's better than Claire at Science concepts of shadow making, i.e. shadow gets bigger when object is moved closer to light source, etc. He loves to sing his repertoire of songs (sometimes insisting that we must sing along with him) and would always ask for Chinese translations of the new words we use. Only peeve that we have of him would be that he still does not want to do his big business in the toilet but promises to when Nat arrives. And oh yes, though weaned from the breast, he's still harbouring hopes that he can get to share some fresh breast milk with Nat when the little Di Di arrives!
As I await the arrival of Nat (incidentally Nathaniel means the Gift of God!), been experiencing shows the last 2 days but our friend still doesn't want to come, I count my blessings of the many friends and colleagues who have stood by and offer support during the past trying weeks. As SL said it one day that she still couldn't believe her eyes witnessing my deterioration from a slim, slender, attractive and active lady (perchance not exact quote but almost there!) to a fat auntie, bed-bound, resigned to fate for this baby with the many underlying conditions, this has been the most trying pregnancy for me. However, it also offered a chance for me to slow down and appreciate the roses around me, my family, friends and colleagues. A big thank you to those who came by to cheer me up, yours gifts of religious books and relics have strengthen my faith, your sms and emails have warmed my heart and of course a boss who came by to bring me a wheelchair, I am indeed very blessed.
Just finished the power of a praying parent, thanks to another boss, and have drawn much inspiration from the book.
