Ah Gong and the Apple of his Eyes

This picture was taken when Nigel joined me in one of my weekly visits. Recalled it was one that I felt so cmi...the cai po of his favourite chwee keuh spilling all over, I couldn't fix the metal piece protruding from his dentures, couldn't shift him to a comfortable position, temperature of the tea was too hot for him, etc. Guess it didn't really matter as Dad had his favourite grandson next to him.

Dad and Nigel shared a special bond, perchance because both were born in the year of the sheep, needless to say Dad also favoured grandsons more. He would often give extra pocket money to the kids, beginning with the girls and ending with boys, Nigel being the last, amounts in ascending order. Hence it was both heart-breaking yet funny to hear Nigel's last words to Dad, "Ah gong, thanks for bringing me for all the train rides when I was young, fetching me to classes with Ah ma, the oldies we shared in the car rides and the extra pocket money you gave me." To which Nat said, "But of course, the con grandson always scams his grandparents". My mum does that for Nigel too. I guess for the old folks, the first grandson is very special.

Dad was a super loving and overtly doting grandpa. He knew I had a crash time last week at work and hung on till I have finished the last milestone for the week, rushed over with all the grandkids, said our last goodbyes before he left shortly after. Regretfully, before Nick arrived from JKT and ironically, his granddaughter Claire by his side. It was also poignant that his last lucid words to me were, "Thank you and don't force the kids to do what they don't want to". He knew I can be a real tiger mum. All said, Dad was also a very doting father-in-law. He would often travel by public transport just to deliver our favourite mee pok and ang pows especially before I take off on business trips. It was his way of sending blessings and well wishes for safe and fruitful travels. Thus it was really tough last year to stay on course overseas when he was in ICU.

Guilt overwhelmed me last Friday when he passed on. He had asked to stay with me since he was paralysed from neck down after Mum passed on last Sep. Yet with 5 kids, my Mum and a job, I really could not render the level of care that he deserved. And hence the care giving was largely left to my brothers-in-law. Since Mum left and given Dad's condition, he really suffered, was moody and caring for him was certainly not easy. We really owe it to my elder brother-in-law, Ben, for doing such an excellent job. What I could do with the kids was to visit with his favourite hawker fare, cai tau kueh, chwee kueh, peng kueh, gu cai keuh, rojak, prawn noddle soup, orh luak, etc and spend some good time chatting by his bedside. Recall, he once called to apologise after "scolding" me for a cai tau kueh which wasn't crispy enough and of course I was more amused with his anger over a cai tau kueh. On good days, he would announced on top of his voice to all the care givers that I'm his daughter-in-law, visiting with his favourite food.

As I watch Dad's urn being placed next to Mum's during interment, I take comfort that he's now "hanging out" with mum, chatting about their younger days. He loves Mum so much and has been a role model for his sons in their love for their wives. I am grateful to have been blessed with very loving mum and dad-in-law, who had been ever supportive in bringing up the grandchildren and all my wacky adventures. Glad that I was able to take NPL in 2018 to spend some good time with both. Our shared memories will last me more than this lifetime.

RIP Mum and Dad.