A Mother's Dilemma

I was on tenterhooks for the whole good month of October, for work and family. On the work front, there was this mega outreach event to roll out, involving students across all three levels and some 200 external participants and industry partners. On the home front, Claire’s examinations were right smack in October.

Can only say that I am glad work went okay, event could have been better no doubt, but reflecting back, no regrets, I had done all I can within the 2 short month’s notice. The windfall for me out of this event was that my students benefitted from staging the event, learning about the lifestyle sectors and had received raving feedback from the external participants. They earned every bit of that.

On the home front, I am very thankful MY ONE took days off during my event days to run the kids schedule. And last evening, we received good news. Claire topped her class in Mathematics, scoring a full 100 marks for her year-end paper. Gosh, a perfect score! I was not even near that in my lifetime, of course neither was MY ONE, he was furthur I believe. She did well in her English and Mandarin too, thus attaining her personal goal of getting into the first band.

Now this thing about getting into the first band was a personal dilemma for me. When Claire came back from school one day, telling me that she wants to be in the same class as her “benchmark” friend who had been scoring first in class in all subjects, I was all a nerve ball. On one hand, I know that would be good for her, but on the other hand what’s the good of having to defend one’s position all the time. I for one knew that would be a very tiring journey. Why not just be a mediocre and enjoy life whilst still having lots of room for improvement and not incur the wrath and envy of people around you (the exact predicament that mummy is in right now)? But knowing Claire, once she sets her mind to it, there’s no looking back. As parents, we could only help guide and motivate her and of course as her meticulous mum, work out a timetable for her. I prayed that God’s will be done, if it’s meant to be, let it be and if it’s not, let it not be.

She earned every bit of it. I am happy for her and for myself for this experience of a mother’s pride. However, deep down I know that this is the start of her never-ending quest. I can only pray that as stewards of God’s gifts, He will give me the strength and wisdom to help develop each of them to their fullest potential.

A Year Gone By

A year of my half-time job has come and gone, can’t help but reflect on my achievements, or the lack of it in some areas, you know me being a task driven maniac!

At the home front, things are looking rosy having brought Chloe nearer to her peers in developmental terms. She’s still behind no doubts but the reassurance came from her lead psychologist 2 weeks ago that Chloe is unlikely to require assistance at special schools. She’s likely to go through the normal primary school with extra intervention and coaching on the sideline. Psychologist thinks that Chloe should be able to cope without “feeling significantly different”, a situation that mummy is most concerned of. I just don’t want my poor girl’s confidence to be shattered at such an early age, should that happen. Chloe is a lot more assertive and argumentative now, as compared to a year ago when warning signs of autism were at an all time high. As I reflect back, a year of accompanying her for occupational and speech therapies did bring us a lot closer, so much so that she’s requesting to latch on when she sees Noah doing so. And when rejected, she’ll begin to question and insists on her rights. Most times I’d relent and subsequently feel like a cow with 2 “babies” latched on. One of Chloe’s favourite activities now is baking with mummy, though she always gets really messy!

Claire will be celebrating her 8th birthday tomorrow, a coming of age for both Claire and mummy. Recall those panicky early days as a mum when I didn’t know what she was crying for. I must really hand it to her for managing her time well at such a tender age, having to cope with school work, mummy’s work, swimming & golf classes and at times coaching Nigel and Chloe over their work. She’s a real gem at getting Chloe to cooperate! The year of half-time has allowed me some luxuries of coaching her in the day, having lunch with her before packing her off for school, think I will miss times like these, now that I am back full time.

Nigel is growing up well to be a big brother in the family. He’s pretty popular in school as I witnessed his friends cheering for him whenever he’s late for classes. I marvel at his phonetical ability to put letters together and pronounce the words right. At 5, he’s already writing simple composition of how his daddy would buy his favourite toys and clothes. He’s a pretty driven boy and takes pride in his work, is a neat freak like mummy too. But sadly, precisely because he’s coping so well with school, phonics, golf & swimming lessons, he’s always the one most neglected. Like last night when the family was out celebrating Claire’s birthday, he was the last that I would arrange a seat for as he’s the easiest to please amongst the four! Still, half-time has allowed me to accompany him for his classes, enjoy an ice-cream cone or two during hot afternoons and chat just about anything that he’ll observe on-route to anywhere. He’s really a super observant one!

And now Noah, his daily care-giver just went home yesterday. Although there weren’t much reactions, but I’ll remind myself to stay vigilant for signs of distress. Till now, I still blame myself for not being there for Chloe when hers went home and hence contributing to her delayed development. Noah’s amazing in terms of development. At 18 months, he easily has a vocabulary of 20 words, including “elephant” and is dribbling balls better than Nigel. But he’s a super aggressive one. The thing I’d really miss doing with Noah would be the afternoon suckle and nap time together. And yes, he’s still on the breast!

Other than the kids having benefitted from mummy’s half-time, my mum and hubby did too. To a large extent, my flexible schedule has somewhat taken the family stress off Nick’s mind, but of course with financial stress being a substitute. I have also grown a lot closer to my mum, quite an irony at such an age. We have gone on countless shopping trips to ulu ulu places and have served up many parties as co-chefs! I’ll miss the afternoon tea we’d have together with ta baos from my campus canteen. She loved the bo bo cha cha.

At the work front, students and teaching aside, the best I could do is to remain silent. I am hopeful that I’d be able to figure out the next step soon with God’s help, just like how he did so a year ago when I didn’t know where to start at the home front.