Another TEST?

Can almost picture the kids' Godma exclaiming, "You are such rabbits!" Yes, I am expecting #5 in Sep, at the most unexpected time, with all precautions and timing taken into considerations.

Deliberated for weeks before coming to terms with it. Honestly, at one stage I was such a sinner, I really wanted to go for the short cut but Father Paul's one line woke me up, "Every child is a gift and we should do all we can to support this new life.", so did SL's line, "How can you be so unfair to this one when the circumstances were worse for Noah and you persevered?"

But questions remain on how am I going to cope and be a good mother to 5 kids? It sounds so technically impossible! As it is, we are already so drained emotionally, financially and physically just coping with 4. Many a times, I feel so guilty for not having enough time with each of them and now with the coming of #5, how? MY ONE will take over command come Mar, that means he won't be around half the time and Chloe still has her on-going therapies????

I teared when I sat at Novena this afternoon, after visiting the gynea. Seeing the scan pictures, I honestly could no longer bring myself to take the short cut.

MY ONE said, the road to heaven is never an easy one and that we honestly do not have any compelling reasons to not have the baby or even to think about adoption. God, this seems like another test of my faith again. First and foremost, I have to come to terms with no promotion nor increment in the 2 years to come.