Empathy

(JL would have guessed that I am sure to blog about this and yes you couldn't have been more right!)

Empathy, an ability to understand other people's feelings and problems, a word with simple meanings but yet a word so hard to verbalise my personal feelings on. Was asked to share my teaching expriences last evening. Had the game plan all set the night before and thought it will be smooth but alas my emotions got the better of me during the part about how empathy was practised on me and how I am doing likewise to my herd, the weaker one.

All I wanted to relate was how a teacher changed my life through his "extraordinary" ways, how he taught me perseverance when he never once gave up on me even though I was the weakest in the team, how he empathise with my family situation then by keeping me under his wings and gave me an outlet to expense my endless energy instead of getting into trouble and how he gave me lasting friendships through his seemingly "morbid" ways of team punishment.

Perhaps the email below sent out during his last hours speak more of what I meant:

"Dear friends, I managed to sneak or barge in last evening to talk to him. And yes old habits die hard, my tears began to drop the moment I went in. He was still very alert, recognised me after I said my name, second sentence was "you the cry baby lah, how is your mum?" My mum teared when I told her that last night when I was back at home.

He was still trying very hard to act tough, could speak, quite well, but could see with much difficulty as he was breathing through the respirator and not his nose. Nick was with me, introduced him and then he started to talk about the Navy collision????

I held his hand, and I said, "We are here to thank you for all that you have taught us out of the classrooms, those lessons have served all of us well even till now" and nick added, "they are all very grateful to you". Then I started waterfalling, sorry really couldn't control myself seeing him so skinny except for the stomach.

He looked away and with pride said "yah back then you all dislike those days but I was very sure that sometime down the road, I will be appreciated". He then went on to give us tribute, told Nick that "they are much tougher back then compared to the students now. Back then quadrangle was wet, made them run upteen rounds, no accidents happened, now students break their arms and legs just climbing dry stairs, dunno whether I am lucky or wat. I am sure you sense the declining standard in the military too right?". Obviously Nick agreed.

We then talked about my student who was his latest batch of grads. Ended with "I am very glad to see that you are happily married with kids and mum. Dun worry I will rest well and be back soon". From the way he described about his condition, he is either not aware or he does not want to reveal. He thanked us for the flowers.

So for those of you who can, sneak in about 6-630 in the evening, that what I did. It seems like he's better in the evening. I felt sad but equally happy after the visit that I have managed to convey our thanks and gratitude to a teacher who have really had such a great impact in my life, he gave me my friends, he gave me my confidence, he changed my life. He would be very very happy to see us, really we just have to get past his wife and relatives, I beg for my way in last evening. So well go try again this evening."

Most of my friends didn't make it to see him for the last time.

So back to empathy, an ability to understand other people's feelings and problems, an irony in itself, did I not understand my very own feelings last evening or did I understand them too well?