Nearly Lost The Baby

Had a close shave yesterday... ...

Wasn't feeling good in the morning so decided to take the day off. Mustered all the energy I had to bring kiddos to school before coming back to my all too familiar toilet bowl to merlion, then off for a nap I went. When I woke up, thought I had pee-ed in my pants, only to realise that my pants were filled with blood, so was the floor with a pool of fresh blood, the exact enactment of how they play miscarriages in movies and all!

Mum was struck dumb at the sight! Thankfully, MY ONE came back for lunch then. Off to the hospital we went with me crying myself crazy in the car. MY ONE was his usual calm self, reassuring me that all was well. I kept replaying the day's and yesterday's incidents in my head to reassure myself that I really didn't do anything funny. I was resting and all... ... Think it was guilt that I was trying to avoid.

But it was that moment that I started to realise how badly I wanted to have this baby and how irresponsible I had been, deliberating for the longest time whether to keep it or not and blaming it for all the mishappenings at work and at home. I started to bargain with God, just like what Sharon taught me the night before. Please let this baby survive. I know this is a warning. I wouldn't take it lightly from now onwards and would do all I can to bring and celebrate this new life into this world.

It didn't help that my gynea's first words to me were, "Let's do the scan now. If it's a miscarriage at 11 weeks, it will be very obvious!" Tears rolled down immediately. I couldn't bring myself to look at the scan pictures until I heard the heartbeat. "Baby is still doing okay, vital signs are alright. Bleeding could be due to strains from all the severe vomiting which cause blood vessels to rupture or could be due to the placenta taking over the function during this time."

Didn't want to be warded. So now it's strict bed rest and cocktail of medication, amidst the bleeding. I've learnt my mistake. To those reading this post, please pray that the baby will do okay.